is your mom at the bar?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
