I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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