I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
These tits shall not be calmed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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