sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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