beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dignity is for republicans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
