the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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