they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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