So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
