I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
