u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my liver is dry heaving
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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