I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
