i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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