every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
