Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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