she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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