I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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