My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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