i just had sex bonerless
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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