How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize