I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize