currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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