he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
