Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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