Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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