I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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