the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
