Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
