Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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