oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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