yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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