I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
