Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
