Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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