you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
