I heard we made out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He shit in the fireplace
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
