its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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