you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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