Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
