I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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