i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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