Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
