I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
