Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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