you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
