why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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