found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
