They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
