I smell stomach acid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
