My liver just broke up with me...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize