nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
