I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
