So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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