when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
home. puking in laundry basket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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