so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
