I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
