Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
