a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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