In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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