When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize