I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
