i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
