this just has baby written all over it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
