boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
