There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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