If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
