is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
