can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
