I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
