Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
