he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
