Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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