A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
