This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
