thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
