It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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