so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
