I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I pour the whiskey from now on
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
