life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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