dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
