Having a random hookup so left but love u
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
