Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
