I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
