if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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